If you follow me on any platform then you’re aware that I collect porcelain owls, don’t believe in ‘neutral tones’ and dress like a toddler on acid. You may also be across the fact that the media (and if they’re to be believed, people I’ve worked with) have labelled me “difficult”on several occasions. Since I now have this shiny new space to completely express how I feel about certain things, I thought it was high time I address this entire situation. Because I’ve been uncharacteristically quiet on it, because I’ve been reflecting on it, and because to be completely fucking honest – I didn’t feel the need to defend myself.

Difficult?

Sure, sometimes!

So bloody what?

You see I out and out refuse to stay between the lines, and as you can imagine that fact alone makes a lot of people shit their pants. Because it’s much easier for them if I’m passive and compliant, If only I didn’t insist on defending what I’ve built up and what I believe in, if I were easier – things would run in a much smoother fashion for them.

I say ‘no’ more often than I say ‘yes’, and I imagine that fact alone would make working with me challenging at times. Trust me, saying ‘no’ when everyone just wants me to play nice is not something I seek to do. But you see, that’s why I’m good at what I do; because I care about the ideas, shows, products and projects that I put my name to. I want them to be thoughtful, funny, big, raw, heartfelt, shiny, fantastical and memorable and that requires a protective professional vigilance, a kind of show biz quality control that yes, sure, might come across as me being ‘difficult’. However I can’t help but think if I were a man they’d probably use words like “assertive”, “driven” and “ambitious”.

Why are women made to feel as though being passionate, decisive and strong are somehow undesirable characteristics? Why do we have to fight twice as hard to be heard and seen in most professional circumstances? I also find myself constantly wrestling for the right to be my version of me and not someone else’s polite, watered-down model. The other label I often get is ‘opinionated’  – like it’s a disease! How DARE I form a semi-informed thought on a topic! Oh that Em Rusciano, she needs to stop thinking the things and start shutting the hell up… What an odd thing to accuse a lady of, it will never cease to bemuse me that one.

But back to me being an impossible, heinous bitch from pirate island. I’m not an unkind person, I know that to be true. Do I have my moments? Absolutely. I’m aware I can come across as harsh and/or sarcastic at times; I’m impatient and in the past have lived by the motto: “You’re either in or you’re in the way”  – I’ve softened on that in recent years!

This idea that women like me are volatile and out of control is also false; I assure you all, I am completely in control. But am I really difficult? Nope, because no one is ever unsure of what I want and how I intend to get it. I make myself clear at all times. There’s nothing to read between the lines, because I speak my mind. I’m not difficult. I’m PRETTY FUCKING EASY truth be told! I know who I am, and I know what I stand for. I love my family and I’m a loyal and trustworthy friend. I work bloody hard and I fight for what I think is right. The other thing is, I learn new lessons about myself each day, which are rarely pleasant. I’ve so many things to work on, so many hurts to let go of. Today for example, I learned two things about myself: 1) that if someone triggers me emotionally, I then transfer that pain to the next person I see who I’m close to, so that I don’t have to sit in the pain for too long. So now I have to work on sitting in uncomfortable feelings and rolling around in them so that I don’t pass them on to someone I love. 2) I overuse the words ‘besmirch’ and ‘teensy’. That’s a whole lot of learning for a Monday morning you guys!

I’ve two daughters, one of whom is turning eighteen next year, and I feel a great sense of responsibility to help ease her path. To improve the world in which she’s heading into. To make sure she feels empowered and brave about standing up for what she believes in, and confident that her voice will be heard and not dismissed purely because she has a vagina. Anytime I feel a hint of worry that someone may not like me because I’m saying ‘no’ or asking questions – I think of her. I’m happy to take the heat out in front, and these past few months I’ve taken so much of it I’m fairly sure my bones are made of iron.

As the wonderful Hannah Gadsby says: “There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself.”

And as I say: “Women who are sure of themselves, scare the living shit out of those who are not.”

Have a great week bitches, go out there and get it.

SHARE

Hey there, you magnificent humans!  

Welcome to the wide web of my world. I love that you’re here because this is now our place. Think of it as the cyber Peach Pitt (cue the sexy sax of the 90210 theme song playing in your head) only without creepy middle-aged Nat and his bung eye. To be fair to Nat, Andrea Zuckerman was about his age playing a high school student and lord knows Dylan was at least forty-five.

This website has been quite some time in the making. To be perfectly honest (and am I ever not?) it has been a herculean task to get it to this point. I’m talking a whole year of negotiations and e-blackmail, laptops smashed against walls, entire IT companies set on fire… But here we bloody are!

There’s a bit of everything here. Merchandise, where you can buy things with my face on them, or things I have written, or things I have helped to design just for you, you fabulous jerks (and I’ll constantly add more. I have SO many ideas). You can Read my weekly blogs, Listen to my songs and audiobook, and learn how to stay tuned for all the f-bombs I almost drop on air every day. Watch all the videos, from clips of my past shows to me becoming best friends with P!nk (whatevs, no biggie). And whenever I have a show with tickets on sale or an announcement to make, this is where it’ll happen.

Also, if you click the little Owl at the top of the page, the whole website goes into DISCO MODE. You heard me. Confetti rains over the page, everything looks shinier. It all gets even more fabulous. It’s like my head has exploded all over your screen. 

But there’s more to it, as well.

This website is my place to be me. No boundaries, no parameters, no expectations. I wanted a place that wasn’t Facebook or instagram who try to squash our fun with their filthy algorithms. Think of this page as a sexy hub where my community can come together and get to know one another. 

This is where I will come to unleash my rage, or jump for joy, or talk rubbish. Somedays I’ll be irreverent, some days heavy, some days ridiculous. Because that’s human nature; we are all about everything. No one is their exact label 100% of the time, it’s exhausting. I reserve the right to be contradictory and complicated. Everyone is like that, I’m not going to pretend to be anything else. 

I’m here to be myself. Join me. The first thing you should do is go HERE and sign up to be a part of the gang. You’ll get everything first, and it’s hard work to start a cult guys so you need to help me out ‘kay?

Click on, glorious ones.

Thanks to the wonderful SeeSaw who saved my website and built my dreams, and to Frida Las Vegas with her loud, colourful hectic designs that reflect my inner mood perfectly.

SHARE