From Rage to Happiness in 12 interesting months.
Where did 2018 go?
May I remind you that the winter Olympics were this year? I mean we had a whole Olympics and I can’t even remember it. Not one thing. Not one chilly backflip. Also: Katy Perry and Taylor Swift made-up, we got yet another new PM and Barbra Streisand cloned her dead dog Daisy – what a time to be alive!
2018 has been a strange old ride for me. I can safely say that I experienced all the emotions on the menu.
The great news is that I’m finishing it in a much healthier and happier place than where I started. If you’d told me in January that come December, I’d no longer be working in breakfast radio, I’d be eight months pregnant and writing my first fiction novel – I would’ve slapped your sassy mouth and then totally made out with you because that’s secretly what I’d wanted! How did you know?! Did you steal my dream diary?!
Looking back on my year the standout events were:
Starting a new radio show
My Evil Queen National tour
Recording the Wil Anderson ‘Wilosophy’ podcast
Media shitstorm: “Em Rusciano is a difficult, volcanic bitch!”
Performing my ‘Difficult Woman’ show with Chong Lim and John Peter Farnham’s band in the Adelaide Cabaret festival
Finding out I was pregnant
My best friend Michael getting married.
Signing my new book deal
Leaving breakfast radio
All of these events were life changing in different ways. Some were traumatic and some fantastically wonderful – I’ll leave you to decide which is which! I’m now able to look back at each of these moments and see how they contributed to the fat and happy person sitting here typing these words. They all needed to happen for me to be in the position I’m now in. I wish I’d known that, during some of the more trying events; the times when I felt as though I’d never see the sun again, when I felt misunderstood, ripped off and like I was slowly being poisoned by the rage I was trying to keep on the down-low (I was failing miserably at that).
Finding out I was pregnant cleared the decks for me. It put into perspective what was important and what things I needed to change in order to be the best version of myself. (Yes, I will now go and punch myself square in the vag for writing that last sentence.) Because I was the very worst version of myself earlier this year. I look back on photos and text messages and marvel at the fact I’m not locked up somewhere. I believe people are capable of change, if they give themselves the chance to do so. It’s fucking hard shining the light inwards and seeing all the dark places. Acknowledging your deficiencies, your fuck-ups and short-comings is shithouse too. Putting in boundaries, saying ‘no’ and cutting certain people from your life is tough work, but ultimately worth it, I promise.
Look, I’ve always got a shit tonne of work to do on myself, but looking back on this year I’ve realised that I’ve already come such a long way. I’m still learning to check myself and my judgement – ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Like when this blogger recently posted about how one of her children doesn’t get enough likes on Instagram. I judged her. I was so judgey, I was Judge Judy. I’m supposed to now say some moral like “but then I checked myself and stopped judging her”… but to be honest, I’m still not over it. Just when I thought I was done judging, the internet drags me back in.
But I’m getting better.
So I now invite you to write your top three highlights and lowlights below, get it off your chest and perhaps bask in the distance you have come. I’m going to be taking break for a little while so that I can prepare for the prodigal sons’ arrival. I’ll still be around on Instagram and Facebook, because I’m a needy performer who needs constant reassurance that she’s still relevant.
I can’t thank you enough for reading my words and being invested in the things that I make. I love our community and I wish you all a fabulous Christmas and new year.
(On that note we’ve found a few more Christmas packs. For $35 you get a signed book, a shopping tote, some community pins and a couple of other treats. Give the gift of Em for Christmas! They sold out in 12 hours last week so get in quickly!)
See you in 2019 legends!
All my love,
Highlights were I got to explore New Zealand then return in time to attend your performance at the Sydney opera house which was amazing wish I could relive that moment being In the same room as your fabulous self. Low light people I thought I could trust have walked out of my life with no explanations or warning. If there is one thing I took from your show was each day you take one step at at time and in no time you will be far enough away to begin to be ok again
1. Finding out I’m pregnant (currently 23 weeks!!)
2. Finding a great job that I love with brilliant people after being made redundant
3. Just the quiet moments with my partner – he’s the best
1. Losing our first baby at 9 weeks at Easter
2. Being made redundant
3. Morning, fucking, sickness.
Low points for me this year would be losing a childhood friend suddenly at 48 years old; witnessing a suicide two weeks after a 28 year old work friend suicides, and now my 57 year old cousin has died suddenly. They are all external, but had a big effect. I’m 49, and will be working g on self realization and improvement for ever, I’d say. Highlights over 2018 would be seeing my son graduate with a science degree AND finally get a job, a fortnight road tripping with the husband and we finally saw Byron Bay after a long ambition, and finally escaping call centre work, hopefully forever. Best wishes with the dear little boy Em, I have boy girl boy (26,23 &20) and I loved mothering little boys and little girls. Merry Christmas!
Also, well done on making it through such a crazy year! I’m sure so many of us will right the same thing, but it’s a joy to watch you find your happiness and wait patiently for your little boy to adventure out into the world. We are all waiting, ready to pop the glitter bombs when he finally arrives! You go, Em!!!
I have loved you emails Em. I don’t know you but I should like to have a wine or 2 when you not beat feeding and I am back in OZ. I le in NZ atm. I am a 60 year old women who will get married next year for the 2nd time next year and this time for the right reasons…. love and not lust. You have empowered me to be ‘me’ dont you ever change. You are wonderful, your children are so lucky to have a loving, talented and caring mum, also your hubby is a lucky man. Good luck with your the arrival of your precious little man. Just point his little ‘man thing’ downwards in nappy. Saves very clothes…lol. All the very best Em. lv lynne.
Oh Em you are truely an inspiration to so many, myself included. May you’re little prince arrive happy and healthy and may you continue to kick ass……. Thank you x
1. I got a new job at a new hospital and finally have a stable income
2. My 2yo son is now stable on medication and no longer requiring hospital admissions every 3 weeks
3. My partner and I decided to have a baby (his first)
1. My first miscarriage
2. My second miscarriage
3. Realizing that my body has failed me and starting fertility treatment
Hi my highlights was seeing you and Harley breen and Ed Sheeran..
My disabled daughter starting to walk after years of physio..
My daughter not having terminal illness which would of killed her in a few years..
Lows too many to count..
But I lost a baby in April that killed me mentally..
My dad not accepting my daughter disablilty making him cut from my life..
And getting glandler fever..
– finding out I was pregnant
– buying a house
– giving birth to our first child.
– struggling with my new role as a parent and being at home, rather than work
Thank you for making me actually laugh out loud on numerous occassions, either on your f/b page via video, your blog or your book. I too had rough start to the year trying to come to terms with the great loss and extreme sadness and grief at losing my parents, but the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter as our family are now awaiting the arrival of a new life in the spring.
So thank you for helping me through, you may not realize that by baring your soul to us on your media sites, you do reach us emotionally in many different ways..
I look forward to all the new adventure you will dare to share with us in the next chapter of you wonderfully chaotic, funny, live filled life.
Have a restful last month of the year and let 2019 be embraced with love and joy.
Merry Christmas to you and God Bless.
Four words Em … Go you ! Love ya ! 💙👶🏼
2018 has been amazing for us and I’m not going to put any lowlights in because any that we’ve had have been completely overshadowed by the highlights
1. After 3 years of infertility and an early menopause diagnosis in my early 20’s, we welcomed our miracle IVF baby Seth at the end of November
2. After 6.5 years of temping I finally got a permanent job (yay for maternity leave)
3. My wonderful partner of 8 years finally popped the question and we are planning on eloping in 2019
I am so happy for you Em and wish you all the best for 2019 xx
3 highs A new grandson, going to Wales for Christmas a loving family and job
3 lows being single st 60 sucks nearly loosing my daughter and grandson at birth.
1. Getting my 5 year old to finally poo in the toilet and not in her pants
2. Getting into Uni after finishing high school 18 years ago
3. Finally realising I love myself
1. Picking a fight with a random stranger over a car space… yes my daughters were in the car and saw and heard everything
2. Having the mind set that I let my children down because of our living situation
3. Still having to deal with my dickhead ex because he is the father of my children
Lowlight: not being able to secure meaningful, interesting and well paid part time work, just scraping by financial each week and relationship struggles.
Highlight: going to Bali with my girlfriend, having my best friend return from LA for the first time in 2 years (this is still to come), spending more time with my children- a wonderful side effect of not enough work!!
1. Returning to work 4 years after having my son
2. Taking my son on an interstate holiday just the two of us 😬
3. Getting back into fitness and putting my self first (sometimes)
1. My health anxiety taking over my life at times
and that’s it! Pretty good year
I have to say I usually don’t post, but my 2018 has been one incredible (and incredibly busy) year that I am so thankful for. My highlights include:
1. Finding out I was pregnant in January and subsequently having my first baby (a beautiful and cheeky little boy) at age 38 at the start of October.
2. Doing a tour through Italy and a cruise around the Mediterranean with my partner at 19 weeks pregnant (an excellent excuse to eat all the pizza, pasta and gelato that you want 😉)
3. Moving into my very first house that I bought over 2 years ago (it took that ruddy long to build 🙄)
I’m not going to mention any lowlights because 2018 was a year of huge life events for me, so any lowlights are overshadowed by the above (and to be honest, absolutely everything is overshadowed by the birth of my son 🥰).
Congratulations on the impending arrival of your own son Em – I wish you all the joy in the world!
1. Losing my mind
2. Losing my friends
3. Involuntary psychiatric treatment
All were needed. It was messy but needed.
Thanks for the honesty and laughter this year.
Merry Xmas Em and your family and fans. The Xanax is on me 🙂