Where did 2018 go?
May I remind you that the winter Olympics were this year? I mean we had a whole Olympics and I can’t even remember it. Not one thing. Not one chilly backflip. Also: Katy Perry and Taylor Swift made-up, we got yet another new PM and Barbra Streisand cloned her dead dog Daisy – what a time to be alive!
2018 has been a strange old ride for me. I can safely say that I experienced all the emotions on the menu.
The great news is that I’m finishing it in a much healthier and happier place than where I started. If you’d told me in January that come December, I’d no longer be working in breakfast radio, I’d be eight months pregnant and writing my first fiction novel – I would’ve slapped your sassy mouth and then totally made out with you because that’s secretly what I’d wanted! How did you know?! Did you steal my dream diary?!
Looking back on my year the standout events were:
Starting a new radio show
New year, new team, I wasn’t sure how I was feeling. It was a mixture of hopeful and worried. So business as usual! Highlight: seeing ol’ mate Denyer in his jocks (or was that a lowlight?!).
My Evil Queen National tour
My eldest daughter working backstage on the show was a highlight and a money saver!
Recording the Wil Anderson ‘Wilosophy’ podcast
This podcast was the catalyst for A LOT of change in my life. I love Wil, I love his podcast.
Media shitstorm: “Em Rusciano is a difficult, volcanic bitch!”
At it’s most ridiculous, ‘news outlets’ took this photo from my Instagram claiming I was at rock-bottom because I was eating pasta in my PJs at 4pm, drinking wine! I’d say I was at the tippy top here!
Performing my ‘Difficult Woman’ show with Chong Lim and John Peter Farnham’s band in the Adelaide Cabaret festival
It’s hard to say where the inspiration for the name of this show came from…
Finding out I was pregnant
It’s all about the glamour preggo shot, I’m little Miss Sunshine with some little Miss Fluid Retention, Little Miss Hormonal and some Little Miss Hungry thrown in.
My best friend Michael getting married.
Love won.
Signing my new book deal
Mood – After signing my book deal.
Leaving breakfast radio
Accurate depiction of how I felt saying goodbye to those 4am get ups.
All of these events were life changing in different ways. Some were traumatic and some fantastically wonderful – I’ll leave you to decide which is which! I’m now able to look back at each of these moments and see how they contributed to the fat and happy person sitting here typing these words. They all needed to happen for me to be in the position I’m now in. I wish I’d known that, during some of the more trying events; the times when I felt as though I’d never see the sun again, when I felt misunderstood, ripped off and like I was slowly being poisoned by the rage I was trying to keep on the down-low (I was failing miserably at that).
Finding out I was pregnant cleared the decks for me. It put into perspective what was important and what things I needed to change in order to be the best version of myself. (Yes, I will now go and punch myself square in the vag for writing that last sentence.) Because I was the very worst version of myself earlier this year. I look back on photos and text messages and marvel at the fact I’m not locked up somewhere. I believe people are capable of change, if they give themselves the chance to do so. It’s fucking hard shining the light inwards and seeing all the dark places. Acknowledging your deficiencies, your fuck-ups and short-comings is shithouse too. Putting in boundaries, saying ‘no’ and cutting certain people from your life is tough work, but ultimately worth it, I promise.
Look, I’ve always got a shit tonne of work to do on myself, but looking back on this year I’ve realised that I’ve already come such a long way. I’m still learning to check myself and my judgement – ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Like when this blogger recently posted about how one of her children doesn’t get enough likes on Instagram. I judged her. I was so judgey, I was Judge Judy. I’m supposed to now say some moral like “but then I checked myself and stopped judging her”… but to be honest, I’m still not over it. Just when I thought I was done judging, the internet drags me back in.
But I’m getting better.
So I now invite you to write your top three highlights and lowlights below, get it off your chest and perhaps bask in the distance you have come. I’m going to be taking break for a little while so that I can prepare for the prodigal sons’ arrival. I’ll still be around on Instagram and Facebook, because I’m a needy performer who needs constant reassurance that she’s still relevant.
Look at him. He’s working his angles. He’s DEFINITELY mine. (Thanks to Precious Glimpse Melbourne)
I can’t thank you enough for reading my words and being invested in the things that I make. I love our community and I wish you all a fabulous Christmas and new year.
(On that note we’ve found a few more Christmas packs. For $35 you get a signed book, a shopping tote, some community pins and a couple of other treats. Give the gift of Em for Christmas! They sold out in 12 hours last week so get in quickly!)
See you in 2019 legends!
All my love,
Em X
