From Rage to Happiness in 12 interesting months.

Where did 2018 go?

May I remind you that the winter Olympics were this year? I mean we had a whole Olympics and I can’t even remember it. Not one thing. Not one chilly backflip. Also: Katy Perry and Taylor Swift made-up, we got yet another new PM and Barbra Streisand cloned her dead dog Daisy – what a time to be alive!

2018 has been a strange old ride for me. I can safely say that I experienced all the emotions on the menu.

The great news is that I’m finishing it in a much healthier and happier place than where I started. If you’d told me in January that come December, I’d no longer be working in breakfast radio, I’d be eight months pregnant and writing my first fiction novel  – I would’ve slapped your sassy mouth and then totally made out with you because that’s secretly what I’d wanted! How did you know?! Did you steal my dream diary?!

Looking back on my year the standout events were:

Starting a new radio show

New year, new team, I wasn’t sure how I was feeling. It was a mixture of hopeful and worried. So business as usual! Highlight: seeing ol’ mate Denyer in his jocks (or was that a lowlight?!).

My Evil Queen National tour

My eldest daughter working backstage on the show was a highlight and a money saver!

Recording the Wil Anderson ‘Wilosophy’ podcast

This podcast was the catalyst for A LOT of change in my life. I love Wil, I love his podcast.

Media shitstorm: “Em Rusciano is a difficult, volcanic bitch!”

At it’s most ridiculous, ‘news outlets’ took this photo from my Instagram claiming I was at rock-bottom because I was eating pasta in my PJs at 4pm, drinking wine! I’d say I was at the tippy top here!

Performing my ‘Difficult Woman’ show with Chong Lim and John Peter Farnham’s band in the Adelaide Cabaret festival

It’s hard to say where the inspiration for the name of this show came from…

 

Finding out I was pregnant

It’s all about the glamour preggo shot, I’m little Miss Sunshine with some little Miss Fluid Retention, Little Miss Hormonal and some Little Miss Hungry thrown in.

My best friend Michael getting married.

Love won.

Signing my new book deal

Mood – After signing my book deal.

Leaving breakfast radio

Accurate depiction of how I felt saying goodbye to those 4am get ups.

All of these events were life changing in different ways. Some were traumatic and some fantastically wonderful – I’ll leave you to decide which is which! I’m now able to look back at each of these moments and see how they contributed to the fat and happy person sitting here typing these words. They all needed to happen for me to be in the position I’m now in. I wish I’d known that, during some of the more trying events; the times when I felt as though I’d never see the sun again, when I felt misunderstood, ripped off and like I was slowly being poisoned by the rage I was trying to keep on the down-low (I was failing miserably at that).

Finding out I was pregnant cleared the decks for me. It put into perspective what was important and what things I needed to change in order to be the best version of myself. (Yes, I will now go and punch myself square in the vag for writing that last sentence.) Because I was the very worst version of myself earlier this year. I look back on photos and text messages and marvel at the fact I’m not locked up somewhere. I believe people are capable of change, if they give themselves the chance to do so. It’s fucking hard shining the light inwards and seeing all the dark places. Acknowledging your deficiencies, your fuck-ups and short-comings is shithouse too. Putting in boundaries, saying ‘no’ and cutting certain people from your life is tough work, but ultimately worth it, I promise.

Look, I’ve always got a shit tonne of work to do on myself, but looking back on this year I’ve realised that I’ve already come such a long way. I’m still learning to check myself and my judgement – ALL THE FUCKING TIME. Like when this blogger  recently posted about how one of her children doesn’t get enough likes on Instagram. I judged her. I was so judgey, I was Judge Judy. I’m supposed to now say some moral like “but then I checked myself and stopped judging her”… but to be honest, I’m still not over it. Just when I thought I was done judging, the internet drags me back in.

But I’m getting better.

So I now invite you to write your top three highlights and lowlights below, get it off your chest and perhaps bask in the distance you have come. I’m going to be taking break for a little while so that I can prepare for the prodigal sons’ arrival. I’ll still be around on Instagram and Facebook, because I’m a needy performer who needs constant reassurance that she’s still relevant.

Look at him. He’s working his angles. He’s DEFINITELY mine. (Thanks to Precious Glimpse Melbourne)

I can’t thank you enough for reading my words and being invested in the things that I make. I love our community and I wish you all a fabulous Christmas and new year.

(On that note we’ve found a few more Christmas packs. For $35 you get a signed book, a shopping tote, some community pins and a couple of other treats. Give the gift of Em for Christmas! They sold out in 12 hours last week so get in quickly!)

See you in 2019 legends!

All my love,

Em X

logo

 

 

 

 


39 responses to “From Rage to Happiness in 12 interesting months.”

  1. Highlights were I got to explore New Zealand then return in time to attend your performance at the Sydney opera house which was amazing wish I could relive that moment being In the same room as your fabulous self. Low light people I thought I could trust have walked out of my life with no explanations or warning. If there is one thing I took from your show was each day you take one step at at time and in no time you will be far enough away to begin to be ok again

  2. Top Three:
    1. Finding out I’m pregnant (currently 23 weeks!!)
    2. Finding a great job that I love with brilliant people after being made redundant
    3. Just the quiet moments with my partner – he’s the best

    Low Three:
    1. Losing our first baby at 9 weeks at Easter
    2. Being made redundant
    3. Morning, fucking, sickness.

  3. Low points for me this year would be losing a childhood friend suddenly at 48 years old; witnessing a suicide two weeks after a 28 year old work friend suicides, and now my 57 year old cousin has died suddenly. They are all external, but had a big effect. I’m 49, and will be working g on self realization and improvement for ever, I’d say. Highlights over 2018 would be seeing my son graduate with a science degree AND finally get a job, a fortnight road tripping with the husband and we finally saw Byron Bay after a long ambition, and finally escaping call centre work, hopefully forever. Best wishes with the dear little boy Em, I have boy girl boy (26,23 &20) and I loved mothering little boys and little girls. Merry Christmas!

  4. Also, well done on making it through such a crazy year! I’m sure so many of us will right the same thing, but it’s a joy to watch you find your happiness and wait patiently for your little boy to adventure out into the world. We are all waiting, ready to pop the glitter bombs when he finally arrives! You go, Em!!!

  5. I have loved you emails Em. I don’t know you but I should like to have a wine or 2 when you not beat feeding and I am back in OZ. I le in NZ atm. I am a 60 year old women who will get married next year for the 2nd time next year and this time for the right reasons…. love and not lust. You have empowered me to be ‘me’ dont you ever change. You are wonderful, your children are so lucky to have a loving, talented and caring mum, also your hubby is a lucky man. Good luck with your the arrival of your precious little man. Just point his little ‘man thing’ downwards in nappy. Saves very clothes…lol. All the very best Em. lv lynne.

  6. Oh Em you are truely an inspiration to so many, myself included. May you’re little prince arrive happy and healthy and may you continue to kick ass……. Thank you x

  7. Hightlights:
    1. I got a new job at a new hospital and finally have a stable income
    2. My 2yo son is now stable on medication and no longer requiring hospital admissions every 3 weeks
    3. My partner and I decided to have a baby (his first)
    Lowlights:
    1. My first miscarriage
    2. My second miscarriage
    3. Realizing that my body has failed me and starting fertility treatment
    Xx

  8. Hi my highlights was seeing you and Harley breen and Ed Sheeran..
    My disabled daughter starting to walk after years of physio..
    My daughter not having terminal illness which would of killed her in a few years..
    Lows too many to count..
    But I lost a baby in April that killed me mentally..
    My dad not accepting my daughter disablilty making him cut from my life..
    And getting glandler fever..

  9. Highlights
    – finding out I was pregnant
    – buying a house
    – giving birth to our first child.

    Lowlights
    – struggling with my new role as a parent and being at home, rather than work

  10. Thank you for making me actually laugh out loud on numerous occassions, either on your f/b page via video, your blog or your book. I too had rough start to the year trying to come to terms with the great loss and extreme sadness and grief at losing my parents, but the light at the end of the tunnel is getting brighter as our family are now awaiting the arrival of a new life in the spring.
    So thank you for helping me through, you may not realize that by baring your soul to us on your media sites, you do reach us emotionally in many different ways..
    I look forward to all the new adventure you will dare to share with us in the next chapter of you wonderfully chaotic, funny, live filled life.
    Have a restful last month of the year and let 2019 be embraced with love and joy.
    Merry Christmas to you and God Bless.
    T xxx

  11. 2018 has been amazing for us and I’m not going to put any lowlights in because any that we’ve had have been completely overshadowed by the highlights
    1. After 3 years of infertility and an early menopause diagnosis in my early 20’s, we welcomed our miracle IVF baby Seth at the end of November
    2. After 6.5 years of temping I finally got a permanent job (yay for maternity leave)
    3. My wonderful partner of 8 years finally popped the question and we are planning on eloping in 2019

    I am so happy for you Em and wish you all the best for 2019 xx

  12. 3 highs A new grandson, going to Wales for Christmas a loving family and job
    3 lows being single st 60 sucks nearly loosing my daughter and grandson at birth.

  13. Highlights
    1. Getting my 5 year old to finally poo in the toilet and not in her pants
    2. Getting into Uni after finishing high school 18 years ago
    3. Finally realising I love myself
    Lowlights
    1. Picking a fight with a random stranger over a car space… yes my daughters were in the car and saw and heard everything
    2. Having the mind set that I let my children down because of our living situation
    3. Still having to deal with my dickhead ex because he is the father of my children

  14. Lowlight: not being able to secure meaningful, interesting and well paid part time work, just scraping by financial each week and relationship struggles.
    Highlight: going to Bali with my girlfriend, having my best friend return from LA for the first time in 2 years (this is still to come), spending more time with my children- a wonderful side effect of not enough work!!

  15. Highlights:
    1. Returning to work 4 years after having my son
    2. Taking my son on an interstate holiday just the two of us 😬
    3. Getting back into fitness and putting my self first (sometimes)
    Lowlights:
    1. My health anxiety taking over my life at times
    and that’s it! Pretty good year

  16. Hi Em,
    I have to say I usually don’t post, but my 2018 has been one incredible (and incredibly busy) year that I am so thankful for. My highlights include:
    1. Finding out I was pregnant in January and subsequently having my first baby (a beautiful and cheeky little boy) at age 38 at the start of October.
    2. Doing a tour through Italy and a cruise around the Mediterranean with my partner at 19 weeks pregnant (an excellent excuse to eat all the pizza, pasta and gelato that you want 😉)
    3. Moving into my very first house that I bought over 2 years ago (it took that ruddy long to build 🙄)
    I’m not going to mention any lowlights because 2018 was a year of huge life events for me, so any lowlights are overshadowed by the above (and to be honest, absolutely everything is overshadowed by the birth of my son 🥰).

    Congratulations on the impending arrival of your own son Em – I wish you all the joy in the world!

  17. Your writing is everything I need in life ! I can actually hear your voice and I’m all about it.
    This year for me has also been hectic ! Started with buying my mum tickets to see jet at the zoo and your show… then she had a stroke … then she had brain surgery… then I moved home…. BUT THEN… I quit my shitty job… started my own business… took my mum to see jet at the zoo… watched my mum drive for the first time… and all the other firsts that come after brain surgery. And here we are in December. Holy shit !

  18. Lowlights
    1. Losing my mind
    2. Losing my friends
    3. Involuntary psychiatric treatment

    Highlights
    See above.

    All were needed. It was messy but needed.

    Thanks for the honesty and laughter this year.

    Merry Xmas Em and your family and fans. The Xanax is on me 🙂

  19. It has been a life changing year for me too. Full of challenges and lows but also so much growth. I hit rock bottom last year decided at the start of 2018 I wasn’t going to continue this way. It took a lot of changes and also so moments I am not proud of but here I am – stronger, wiser and better on the other side.
    Lowlights
    1. Some serious financial stress
    2. Shitty toxic work situations where I became a shitty version of myself
    3. Allowing stress and work consume me and in turn becoming very sick for a few months and also not giving my all to me two daughters

    Highlights
    1. Growing from those shitty situations and realizing I didn’t make the best decisions. I’ve learnt from them and ensuring I don’t allow the bad to influence my parenting and impact my time spent with my gorgeous daughters
    2. Deciding to finally do something for myself and volunteering as an Ambo (something I’ve always wanted to do!)
    3. Taking a leap and applying to study paramedicine at uni and actually getting in!!!! It’s amazing what happens when you believe in yourself!

  20. Let’s go from bad to good.

    Top 3 shittest moments of this year:
    – My best friends failed (thank god) suicide attempt.
    – My ex-best friend ignoring me for the first part of the year to then (a week after said suicide attempt) tell me that she no longer wants to be friends, and that was that, i had fought for too long.
    – the depression and anxiety that built over me and arose from these 2 events (also due to happening so close together). I am still dealing with these now.

    Top 3 great moment of this year:
    – Starting my course in Health Sciences, and moving to Melbourne to pursue this. (a lot of people, including myself never thought I would move out of home so soon)
    – Moving back to Shepparton, still doing my course and working at my old job again, as well as being around all my friends again, especially my friends’ kids who bring me so much joy and can always put a smile on my face! (to some this may seem like a fail, although I wasn’t happy where I was living so I made a change to benefit myself and my mental health, and it’s working out great so far)
    – Forming a strong relationship with my cousin Sophie. I never really knew her before I moved to Melbourne and now we are the best of friends and I honestly don’t know what I would do without her.

    So there’s my 3, overall, still struggling with my mental health but currently living a comfortable life which definitely is helping.

    Em,
    Good luck with the birth of your spunky little man. I can’t wait to see what he will look like in the outside world and who he will grow up to be. ATM I reckon he looks heaps like Chella, but I guess we will all have to wait and see.
    Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to you and your family xxx

  21. This year has been a rollercoaster for all of us I think!
    Highlights:
    – Giving birth to my son Riley (bonus points for getting through the epidural without passing out from an anxiety attack – I have a needle phobia that sucks balls!)
    – a trip around the Southern Highlands with my husband – baby moon for the win!
    – (future highlight) first Christmas with my son

    Lowlights
    – constant morning sickness (boooooooo)
    – postpartum anxiety and depression (boooooooooooooooo)
    – death of family members
    Bring on 2019! Let’s smash this!! 😍

  22. 1: two months before my surgery (that I had finally built up the courage to book), to find out why after two years of trying I wasn’t getting pregnant, I FINALLY got that positive pregnancy test!!! (And just 6 weeks before my wedding…. no biggy!)

    2: I married my best friend who is quite the hottie 👌🏽

    3: September 27. One week and one day over due, my chubby big headed son entered the world via emergency c section, and all of a sudden I felt love that I’ve never felt in my life!

    The lows have come and gone alongside the raging hormones. We laid family and friends (way to young), to rest.
    My husband has returned back to his fifo job, and we’re adjusting to be parents, husband and wife, and home owners in our early 20s. It’s definitely a learning curve, but 2018 has been the best year of my life 😍

  23. Lowlights:
    Being made redundant in a really shitty way.
    Realising my best friend of 20+years was a liar and a dick.
    A close relative being diagnosed with cancer and dying within 4 months.

    Highlights:
    Getting a new job with an awesome boss!
    Seeing you live!
    I survived this shitbag of a year!

    Bring on 2019!

  24. What an incredible year! I’m so happy for you Em, and it fills my heart with Joy that your boy will be here very soon.

    I turned 23 this year and honestly it has been the most exciting, stressful & wonderful year of my life.

    Okay so the top three greatest moments of this year were:
    1. I got engaged to my partner of 3 years (4 years on Boxing Day) it wasn’t all fairytale and magical like I thought it would be in my head. Instead I was a little ball of anxiety from the moment I bought the ring. He said yes though and now I’m slowly planing and extravagant gay wedding (on a budget) for 2020!

    2. We bought our first house together. It is astounding to me that I am a home owner.

    3. We finally got our Fur Babies. We have a 17 week old StaffyX Bullarab named Zuko and a 12 week old ragdoll kitten named Astro. It’s been a lot of hard work and if I never have to clean up shit or pee again I’ll be a very happy man.

    Three shit things that happened to me this year:
    It was really hard to think of the shit things that happened this year. It’s amazing how so much happiness can outshine the shit.

    1. Money stress. Saving for and owning a house is expensive, y’all! (Worth it tho)

    2. Puppy training. Honestly the amount of nights I have cried myself to sleep begging to any god that would listen to just please make the dog listen to me. It has been super hard training our dog but so worth it. He still has a long way to go but we have defiantly made some progress.

    3. I found not one, not two but THREE FUCKING GREY HAIRS. IM TWENTY FUCKING THREE.

    Have a happy, safe and wonderful Christmas!

  25. Lowlights:
    Watching helplessly as my son was going through his own rage issues (he’s only 11) and dealing with friendship issues at school.
    Recognising that getting divorced does cause you to lose friends.
    Realising that weight is harder to lose after 40!!
    Highlights:
    Moving in with my wonderful partner.
    Two new job opportunities that make me shit scared and excited at the same time.
    Accepting and being ok with the fact that divorce causes you to lose friends!
    2019 – HERE I COME.

  26. Hmmm…….. this is a bit trickier than I would of thought
    Highlights: marrying the love of my life in July, our new fur baby, biting the bullet and enrolling in a bachelors of nursing degree I have been dreaming about for 4 years
    Lowlights: wedding planning causing issues with my new in-laws , moving away from my family to Darwin of all places (because of husbands new defence career), struggling to find my place in this new defence lifestyle

  27. ALL of us need to remember that whilst our lives might be shit and fucked up….. it’s right NOW, …… or the last year or whatever But: It is Not Permanent, it’s just shit, for the last 2 years right Now, but won’t be forever.
    I nearly died multiple times earlier this year and I can tell you after being so critically unwell after becoming Septic Overnight, all the small shit, and even some of the big fucked up stuff can just fuck off. I have Never been so happy, excited and scared shitless, when I saw my parents and kids for the first time when they took me out of the Coma. Fuck the rest of the drama doesn’t mean jack shit. And the PTSD from ICU that keeps coming back at least a couple of times a week to try and give me a good kicking, can Fuck right off the most…. I know that it’s not going to be Permanent, it’s just Right Now.

  28. Three highs of this year
    Having support from friends by catching up with them
    Continuing my university degree almost finished my degree
    Maintaining a healthy lifestyle
    Three lows for this year
    Loosing a close Friend to cancer in eight weeks
    Loosing our dog he was 14
    increase of anxiety
    I’m so excited for 2019 bring on the best year yet I love you so Em I’m so excited for your baby and excited for your next tour and podcast xx ❤️

  29. Welcoming our 1st grandbaby this yr she’s just beautiful an so in love with her an my son
    Finally our daughter an her partner moving out to their own place
    Trying to like my body an being ok with my size
    Loving my job
    Realising I’m not going to finish my studies until early next year An thats ok

  30. Putting this out for strangers to read is weird, but I’ve just been sucked into everyone elses. Heres to trying.
    Best;
    – As a working nanny, I have developed such god damn important and rewarding relationships with the children I look after. I feel complete seeing them smile, learn and push boundaries. They show me that my desire to be a mother (I’m a tad young just yet but that maternal instinct has always been there) is going to happen, and it is going to be amazing, and I will be ok.
    – Coming to terms that I can be a feminist, I can kick ass, I can complete a double degree, I can be emotional and also dream about the amazing time I will experience as a stay-at-home Mumma in the future. They can all exist at one time. I can believe in a women’s right to kick balls and climb that ladder and also strive for that, as well as trust in my maternal instinct.
    – My little sister become pregnant with the sweetest little surprise. To see how someones life can change when they have something to believe in and work for is inspiring.
    Worst (I’ll hold in my negative nancy);
    – My dad was diagnosed with PTSD, however, uses this label as an excuse to be a dick and break the hearts of everyone around me.
    – My emotions are no longer able to be repressed. They demand to be dealth with, even though I’m not ready.
    – I almost broke the love of my lifes heart because an ex decided to walk back into my life. Imagining of what could have been almost ruined my forever future.

    Wow. Weird. Theraputic. Sickening.
    All the best to everyone ever xx

  31. Low moments:
    Losing my baby girl at 24 weeks.
    Watching my friends and family be heartbroken.
    Morning sickness.

    High moments:
    Getting to see my daughters gorgeous face.
    Falling pregnant again with a little boy.
    Falling more and more in love with my other half, after our tragic loss.
    ❤️

  32. What a rollarcoaster ride of a year!
    My top 3 has been the same.
    1) I moved in with my boyfriend
    2) we became a family of three when I gave birth to our perfect little girl Luna in October
    3) I proposed to my boyfriend – he said yes ❤️

  33. What a rollarcoaster ride of a year!
    My top 3 has been the same.
    1) I moved in with my boyfriend
    2) we became a family of three when I gave birth to our perfect little girl Luna in October
    3) I proposed to my boyfr

  34. Highlights:
    – Moving back to New Zealand after much fear and realising it’s actually kind of ok.
    – Absolutely nailing first year back at university.
    – Standing up for and being proud of myself.

    Lowlights:
    – Losing my uncle/favourite human.
    – Missing my Melbourne family.
    – Working out that adults can be bullies 🤷🏼‍♀️

  35. Thanks for the reality checks and laughs through the year. You are utterly relatable and wonderful regardless of the assholes you have to deal with.
    Highlights:
    – Watching my beautiful twin daughters have their last year of primary school & enjoy the whole experience..
    – Being there for every single milestone my amazing son makes & seeing his little personality shine through. What an absolute legend he is!
    – Another wonderful family holiday to Bali – we survived the flights with a toddler – phew!

    Lowlights:
    – Trying to find the balance of work life, mum life, wife life, friend life, sister life, daughter life and failing miserably. I am trying but it is hard. So bloody hard.
    – Mourning my daughters last year of primary school – I am not ready for high schoolers yet god damn it!
    – Not losing the weight and gaining the fitness I really wanted to have and be at by now – I cant blame the new baby when he’s now 20 months old now can I……

    PS. From one mumma of two older daughters (mine are 11) and a little boy (mine is 20 months old) to another I say 3 things:
    1. The older sisters rock and are the best helpers ever. However, they also think the baby is a mummy stealer and miss her being so available and all about them. But they adapt quickly.
    2. Boys are soooooooo different to girls – mine is messy, rough, strong, non stop kicking balls or throwing them around the house, obsessed with animals, trucks, buses, bikes, motorbikes, diggers, wants to play outside all the time, rips his books, grabs the girls hair and refuses to let go, but the cuddles, oh the cuddles and kisses and the non stop contact he has to have with me. Just delicious!!
    3. He will light up you whole life and you will wonder how you ever lived without him. He will slip into your family like he is boss and he will be more loved than any other by his mummy and daddy and big sisters and be the absolute light of their lives.

    Goodluck with your rest and new baby boy. Cant wait to see the news!
    X

  36. BEST
    1….meeting Bon Jovi! Well it’s coming up on Friday but I know this will be my most highlighted moment. It’s the entire band not just Jon
    2….containing t work and learn in my most desired job, Hairdressing
    3….surviving another year

    CRAP
    1….trying to buy a Christmas pack, the bastards are sold out
    2….trying t buy a Christmas pack, the bastards are sold out
    3….the bloody Christmas packs are still sold out

  37. Highlights:
    1. Baby #1
    2. Seeing my job in the review mirror (Mat leave; I’m still too scared to quit)
    3. Seeing your show (I swear that’s not poo on my nose – genuinely a highlight! [I’m not a wanker, I promise])

    Lowlights:
    1. Random loss of sight since birth of baby #1 (since found out that I have a brain malformation and the Epidural exasperated it/ is causing my blindness… Random)
    2. Having to have a General anesthetic and missing the birth of Baby #1
    3. Enema. Nurse Vivian and I now share a special bond. No further explanation necessary.

  38. This year has been a shitfest. So I finally got up the courage to change everything. But just when I did that, I got punched in the guts before it could start. But start in the new year, it will.
    1. Applying for uni in 2019 – at 38 this will be a total career change.
    2. My kid being diagnosed with ASD. Blessing and a curse.
    3. Taking up my passion for writing. Committing to the long game.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *