I’ve realised I owe you guys an apology…

In this past week, I have done two interviews. I know, guys. Two whole interviews. I’m totes popular. One of them I did from home while wearing my pyjama bottoms and eating a packet of biscuits, and the other one involved a full photo shoot and stylist team, so I really covered all bases.

Both (female) interviewers asked me a question along the lines of: “You seem so busy, you’re hands on with your girls, you’re juggling life and a demanding job….. how do you do it all?”

Real talk: I don’t, not even close. I am the exact opposite of a successful juggler. I’m the drunk clown, with mascara streaming down her face, crying because she broke one of her eggs and the other two won’t put their fucking shoes on and get in the car… I don’t know how the fuck I managed to give off the impression to anyone that I am a woman who ‘does it all’ – I thought my vibe was the exact opposite. So you can imagine my horror when these two journalists went down that line of questioning.

So I wish to apologise to any of you that are under the impression that I am, in any way, handling my life. If I’m giving off the air of having my shit together, then you have been strongly mislead.

Some days I do. Some days I’m on top of the washing, a nutritious dinner is simmering on the stove, the kids are voluntarily doing their homework, the beds are made perfectly, and I’ve written a thesis on curing cancer in albino seals. (Okay, slight exaggeration. The beds are never made…)

And then other days, MOST days; my family are eating Weetbix for dinner, I’m wearing bathers for undies, and the girls will be lucky if they get peanut butter smeared on a credit card for lunch tomorrow.

I don’t ever want to give you the impression that I am doing it all, because I’m not. No one is. I have no interest in pretending to be that person. I don’t want you to ever look at me and think I’m some kind of expert domestic goddess. What I do want to do is inspire you to own your shit, encourage you to never duck your head, and empower you to stop apologising for things that aren’t your fault. I am the poster girl for imperfection and getting shit done. That’s it.

Let’s all agree to stop thinking that this ‘do it all’ concept is the ultimate goal. We’re just perpetuating the feeling of not being good enough. It makes women feel inadequate for having dirty dishes in the sink, or having kids who won’t do their homework, or for not having sex with their husbands in six months because they’re so bloody tired. Every time we read about some successful woman explaining how she has it all, it makes us feel like we’re failing.

I can honestly tell you that my life is a mess 95% of the time. I can also tell you I outsource stuff, and that’s okay. I’ve hired myself a wife. I have a lady who comes to my house twice a week and helps me to wife – she helps with the washing, she reminds me to pay invoices, she organises the girl’s uniforms, she makes sure there is food in the cupboard… I pay her to do all the things I just can’t physically fit in. I’m very grateful to be in the position where I can afford a housekeeper (grateful, but also with the knowledge that I worked my ass off to be in this position) but I also don’t want to take credit for her work – she keeps my house together, and I bloody love her for it.

So don’t worry if you ever feel like everyone else has their shit together more than you do. Because they don’t, and it doesn’t matter anyway. Stop focussing on what you haven’t done, and think about the shit that you did achieve. If you can get ONE win this week, that’s enough. Look for that one win, and hold on to it like gold dipped in diamonds. 

Today I took the bins out. That will fucking do.

P.S. I’m going to be in Who magazine this Thursday, and I’m not telling you to inundate their social media with how wonderful it was to see me in their delightful magazine, but I’m not not telling you to do that either. Go out and immediately buy a copy. I know it seems retro, but do it.

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